Wednesday, March 13, 2013

Secret Life of Christian Women: I Don't Have Sex With My Husband!

Picture retrieved from Yahoo images
I was surprised when one of my close friends told me that she only has sex with her husband every few months. After seeing the stunned look on my face she said, "what, do you have sex with your husband a lot more than that?" I then said, "yes..... even when I am not in the mood." After having the conversation with my friend, I honestly felt stupid for having sex when I did not feel like it. I should be able to pick and choose when to have sex, don't you agree? Reading 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex by Jolene of the Alabaster Jar shed some light on my dilemma and also on what other women are struggling with in the bedroom.
 In the blog she talks about different reasons why wives do not have sex and three stood out to me that you may relate too.

  •  Bitterness has grown in her heart.
  •  She is stressed and/or worried (family and/or financial problems) consume her mind
  •  Sex is not on her to-do list


    I have been bitter for the last year over some financial decisions that my husband made. I keep thinking about where we could be financially. To be honest, we would almost be debt-free with only a mortgage payment each month. Every time I look at him I am always thinking about his financial decisions. This is one of the reasons I have a low sex drive but to be honest, I am partly to blame because before saying "I do," I knew his spending habits and financial situation.


    I don't know if some of us are born with the stress gene while others are fortunate not to worry about anything. Unfortunately, I was born with the stress gene. About one year into our marriage, I went to my family doctor due to chest pains and anxiety (things I never experienced before) he said, "Your husband is stressing you out and you must make some changes." He prescribed worrying less and spending time doing things I love. I did great for a few years until having my son and then the stress gene reared its ugly head again. Stress and worry continues to affect my sex drive.


    Working part-time, being a full-time mom and having a toddler with tantrums on a weekly basis, makes sex lower on my to-do list. I try every week to make it a priority but I am usually drained by 9 p.m., which is usually the time my husband is ready for sex.


     The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7: 4-5

    There are exceptions (sickness, other physical issues etc.) but the Bible does say that we should NOT deprive each other, so it does mean we should have sex with our husbands.


    Approximately40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates KatHertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada -Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.

    1.      Do you love your husband and want the best for him? Well, he also loves you and his way to  show love is through sex.

    2.      Do you want to take the risk of him having sex with someone else because you have not had sex with him for some time?

    To read 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex by Jolene of the Alabaster Jar click here.

    Please leave comments, I would love to know what you are thinking.

     Link ups:


    1. Found you from Top Ten Tuesdays. I can relate to your post... especially the stress part! From my experience, our sex lives as a married couple highly impacts the rest of our relationship. I definitely agree with all you said.

      1. Thanks so much for stopping by. I love your blog. I will be participating in the Winter Wonder Week!


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    2. Hi Delora,
      Well, I'm completely humbled by your sweet words! So glad that I was able to help you pinpoint some areas that cause you to struggle regarding the marriage bed. Oh, and I think everyone woman has the stress gene attached to her DNA, that's why Jesus told us not to worry! And the bitterness thing....well, that's got to be dealt with before it destroys your marriage. Continually sitting at Jesus' feet is always the best way to deal with both those issues! Keep living for Him, friend.

      1. Jolene, thanks so much for leaving a comment. I look forward to your posts each week. Thanks for the encouragement!

    3. I found your blog through Jolene, and I'm so glad I did. I can relate to all three reasons in my own marriage as well, but then I remember that when I married my Dear Hubby, I volunteered to consider him in every decision I make and I voluntarily gave him control of my body (just as he gave me control of his). Sexuality it not focused on "me" and "what I need" and "when I'm horny" Now I have a greater calling to minister to my husband and focus on him and what he needs and filling the sexual desires of his heart. Isn't that just a blessing?

      1. Thanks so much for stopping by. Thanks for the reminder about focusing on my husband's needs. What a great website you have!

        I look forward to staying connected.

    4. Before I got married, my dad took me aside and gave me some advice about sex. "Try to never say no, and remember your husband has needs." True my dad did not mention that women have needs too, but that was learned along the way. I would be suspicious of a man who did not want to have sex with his wife. Then I have a questioning nature. :-)

      1. Hi! Thanks so much for stopping by. You are right about being suspicious if a man does not want to have sex with his wife.

    5. Great points! Hoping this brings lots of joy to many marriages out there. Found you from the better mom blog.

    6. Thanks for stopping by from the Better mom blog. I look forward to staying connected. Have a great Monday!

    7. Hi Delora, thanks for stopping by my blog and leaving a comment. :) I'm all too familiar with this topic. Unfortunately, me and my husband are switched. I have always been the one who loves sex and he is affected by every.little.thing.under.the.sun. If the planets are not aligned, it don't happen. Okay, not so dramatic but I think you get my point. lol. I have yet to find an article or sermon which touches on when roles are reversed in the sex and intimacy dept.

      1. I would also love to see someone tackle when the husband will not have relations.

    8. I always have seen sex as one way my husband really feels a man. Yes, I can do sweet little things for him like rub his feet or make sure his favorite food/drink is in the house..but nothing makes him feel more like a man than our intimate relationship. That makes me want to do it.

      Blessing to you on tackling a subject that most people don't want to talk about but is an important part of marriage.

    9. Thanks for stopping by Jacki. I love your link-up days!!!!

    10. no I do not agree on person should be able to pick and choose when to have sex. I should be a choose for the two. and I believe u should have it often

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