Delora: marriage

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I was surprised when one of my close friends told me that she only has sex with her husband every few months. After seeing the stunned look on my face she said, "what, do you have sex with your husband a lot more than that?" I then said, "yes..... even when I am not in the mood." After having the conversation with my friend, I honestly felt stupid for having sex when I did not feel like it. I should be able to pick and choose when to have sex, don't you agree? Reading 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex by Jolene of the Alabaster Jar shed some light on my dilemma and also on what other women are struggling with in the bedroom.
In the blog she talks about different reasons why wives do not have sex and three stood out to me that you may relate too.

Bitterness has grown in her heart.

She is stressed and/or worried (family and/or financial problems) consume her mind

Sex is not on her to-do list

BITTERNESS

I have been bitter for the last year over some financial decisions that my husband made. I keep thinking about where we could be financially. To be honest, we would almost be debt-free with only a mortgage payment each month. Every time I look at him I am always thinking about his financial decisions. This is one of the reasons I have a low sex drive but to be honest, I am partly to blame because before saying "I do," I knew his spending habits and financial situation.

STRESSED AND WORRIED

I don't know if some of us are born with the stress gene while others are fortunate not to worry about anything. Unfortunately, I was born with the stress gene. About one year into our marriage, I went to my family doctor due to chest pains and anxiety (things I never experienced before) he said, "Your husband is stressing you out and you must make some changes." He prescribed worrying less and spending time doing things I love. I did great for a few years until having my son and then the stress gene reared its ugly head again. Stress and worry continues to affect my sex drive.

SEX IS NOT ON HER TO-DO LIST

Working part-time, being a full-time mom and having a toddler with tantrums on a weekly basis, makes sex lower on my to-do list. I try every week to make it a priority but I am usually drained by 9 p.m., which is usually the time my husband is ready for sex.

SOLUTIONS: WHAT DOES THE BIBLE SAY?

The wife's body does not belong to her alone but also to her husband. In the same way, the husband's body does not belong to him alone but also to his wife. Do not deprive each other except by mutual consent and for a time, so that you may devote yourselves to prayer. Then come together again so that Satan will not tempt you because of your lack of self-control. 1 Cor. 7: 4-5

There are exceptions (sickness, other physical issues etc.) but the Bible does say that we should NOT deprive each other, so it does mean we should have sex with our husbands.

2 QUESTIONS TO ASK BEFORE SAYING "NO" TO SEX

Approximately40% of men seek sexual satisfaction outside their relationships, estimates KatHertlein, Ph.D., professor of human development at the University of Nevada -Las Vegas and a marriage and family therapist.

1. Do you love your husband and want the best for him? Well, he also loves you and his way to show love is through sex.

2. Do you want to take the risk of him having sex with someone else because you have not had sex with him for some time?

To read 20 Reasons a Wife Doesn't Want to Have Sex by Jolene of the Alabaster Jar click here.

Please leave comments, I would love to know what you are thinking.

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