Monday, April 1, 2013

The Secret Life of Christian Women: Mental Illness and My Husband



 Hi !!!!! happywivesclub.com, link-up friends

This blog is a repeat but it received the most views ever on my blog so I wantted to repost it for others to read. Feel free to leave comments.

Thanks for stopping by and joining my series on "The Secret Life of Christian Women." This topic is really sensitive but it is one the church avoids while wives suffer in silence. Less than a week ago, my life changed when I came face to face with my husband's mental struggles. Please know that I am not a psychologist or Psychiatrist but a wife who spent over a year suffering in secret. After reading this post, please leave comments and any suggestions you may have.

According to the National Institute of Mental Health, "about one in four adults suffer from a diagnosable mental disorder in a given year." This means that most of you reading this blog have suffered in the past or currently live with someone suffering from mental illness. There are many forms of mental illness but most of us know about depression, Bipolar disorder and Schizophrenia. Nebuchadnezzar (Daniel 4:33) and David (Psalms 43:5), the man after God's own heart also suffered with mental illness but God stayed faithful to them. The rest of this post will be dedicated to signs of mental illness and tips on coping with mental illness. I hope this blog provides you with some spiritual guidance but most of all, let's you know that you are not alone.

 5 Major Signs of Mental Illness according to the Mayo Clinic

1. Withdrawal from friends and activities

2. Problems Sleeping

3. Alcohol and drug abuse

4. Excessive anger, hostility or violence

5. Suicidal thinking

If your spouse is experiencing these signs it is time for an intervention which can sometimes be difficult because another sign of mental illness is denial. If your spouse is denying that something is wrong the only thing you can do is pray for them until they are ready to seek help. Below are the scriptures I prayed for my husband until he came to terms with mental illness. Now I encourage him to quote these 3 scriptures on a daily basis

Luke 1:37 "For nothing will be impossible with God.”

Jeremiah 29:11 "For I know the plans I have for you, declares the Lord, plans for welfare and not for evil, to give you a future and a hope."

Ephesians 6:10-18 "Put on the whole armor of God, that ye may be able to stand against the wiles of the devil."

Additional tips:

1. Keep a positive outlook on a daily basis.

2. Pray over your husband's things (shoes, clothes, vehicle, pillow etc.). Pray for God's healing power and protection.

3. Seek professional help

4. Be patient and understanding.

5. Remember your marriage vows (sickness and health etc.)

Please share any other tips you may have or even your stories. I look forward to linking up with you this week!










19 comments:

  1. I have to admit. In my marriage, I am the one who struggles with depression, panic attacks, anxiety disorder and social anxiety, along with some other complications caused by those mental illnesses.

    So often, I feel like just having one person care would make things so much easier. I know that my problems are a burden to those around me, but I want someone to look past that. It's encouraging to me for your husband's sake to see that you are seeking to HELP him, rather than viewing him and his problem as just being a burden to you.

    God bless you, your husband,and your marriage!

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    1. Thank you so much for being honest and sharing your story. I look forward to linking up again. I will be praying for you and would love to be one of the ones who care.

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  2. Thank you for sharing your heart with us. I pray this post will encourage women who are suffering from a similar situation in their marriage. Keep the faith sister. May God bless you as you continue on this life journey! (And thanks for stopping by my blog!)

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  3. Thanks for stopping by my blog also. I look forward to staying connected and linking up again.

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  4. Thanks for having the courage to speak out about the messy things. Women need guidance, and grace, and a place to share their pain and struggles. I pray that this series will help many who are dealing with such things.

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    1. Elizabeth, thank you so much for stopping by. I really love your blog and will love to stay connected. Have a great Tuesday!

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  5. Some of what you have shared is common in people suffering post traumatic stress. My husband served in the Falklands and seen his friend killed plus close personal combat. It has effected him and he has sleep problems and anger problems. Also, he was involved in a tragic accident in which a young person died and this has also added further to his PTS. It's not easy and I pray God gives him sleep - at least if he gets some good nights sleep, he seems to manage better.

    I find coping very stressful sometimes however - particularly the anger side as he tends to get angry with me over trivialities.

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  6. Wendy, thanks so much for sharing. The anger side is hard to deal with. I try to ignore him when he is upset or I stay calm when answering his questions.

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  7. Me too... hubby is a good man - I know he has an illness in his mind (brought about through war and tragedy)... but some days it is hard.

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  8. I will continue to pray for you as you do the same for me. I look forward to staying in touch and I love your blogs!!!!!

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  9. I find it exceedingly hard to be married to a man with mental illness. We have ben married for 30 yrs and riding the roller coaster with him has been exhausting. I have learned to detach with love. I find it hard to submit to a man who is delusional at times and coherent and whole at others. I know that ultimately, I am surrendering to God and He is in control of our family. But I just find it very lonely to be in a relationship with someone who cannot reciprocate. I was just too young and naive to see the warning signs when we were dating. God has definitely blessed my obedience to our wedding vow and there are moments of beauty in our relationship.

    I just returned home today from a week away with 'normal' friends and I am struck anew by just how hard this daily life with my husband is. I share this for 2 reasons: one, to validate the struggle you Godly women who are loving and respecting your ill husbands are enduring and two, to encourage you to keep your eyes on the Lord and He will give you the strength, humor and peace for each day.



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    1. Thank you so much for sharing Grace. I do agree that it is such a struggle. Some days I want to give up but notes like yours, give me hope to carry on. Hope that you have a great day and thanks so much for stopping by.

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    2. I JUST WANTED TO SHARE!!!! I HAVE BEEN MARRIED TO MY WIFE FOR 26 YEARS WHICH I HAVE THE PROBLEMS WITH SEVERE MENTAL ILLNESS PROBLAMS!!!! I KNOW THAT IT HAS BEEN HARD ON MY FAMILY BUT I ALSO KNOW THAT IT DOES NOT HELP AT ALL FOR A WIFE INSTEAD OF HELPING PUTS ME DOWN TALKS ABOUT AND EVEN "ALLOW OUR 14 YEAR OLD DAUGHTER TO BE VERY VERY DISRESPECTFUL!!!! AS CHRISTIANS I NO THAT NO ONE IS PERFECT BUT WHEN YOU ARE ALWAYS SAYING THAT "YOU ARE SAVED AND THE ONE LIVING FOR GOD IT HURTS SO SO MUCH TO SEE NOT THAT SIDE BUT THE OTHER WHERE THE DEVIL IS BEING SUPPORTED BY NOT SHOWING ANY UNCONDITIONAL LOVE OR SUPPORT, NOT WANTING TO READ INFORMATION TO HELP IN FIGHTING THESE DEMONS BUT INSTEAD PUT NOTHING BUT BLAME AND BASICALLY SOME HATRED TOWARD ME!!!! I WOULD MAYBE UNDERSTAND IF I WAS NOT TRYING BUT SHE LOOKS AT IT AS BECAUSE I HAVE HAD THESE DEEP STRUGGLES OVER THE YEARS AND IT HAS GOTTEN WORSE FEELS THAT SHE CANT DOING ANYTHING TO HELP BUT AGAIN IS COMFORTABLE IN USING THINGS THAT ARE DESTRUCTIVE!!!!" "I HAVE NEVER HEARD ANY ONE BEING ABLE TO PUT OUT A FIRE BY PUTTING GASOLINE ON IT!!!!" "IT HURTS MY HEART AND SOUL SO SO DEEPLY TO KNOW THEY LOOK AT ME THIS WAY AND DONT WANT ME AROUND OR LOVE ME BUT IT SEEMS I AM GODD ENOUGH TO HELP PROVIDE FOR THEM EVEN THROUGH MY ILLNESS FROM MY BENEFITS I GET WHICH I AM THANKFUL FOR BECAUSE I CANT WORK ANYMORE!!!! "FEEL THAT I AM JUST BEING USED AND THAT MAKES ME SADER AND MORE REASONS FOR ME TO JUST LEAVE THIS MISERABLE LIFE BUT YET I STILL RISE EVERYDAY EVEN KNOWING THE MENTAL TORTURE AND HELL I HAVE TO DEAL WITH!!!!" (FOR THOSE WHO ARE BEING HELPED IN A POSITIVE WAY BY THERE SPOUSE IN DEALING WITH THERE MENTAL ILLNESS "KNOW THAT YOU ARE TRULY TRULY BLESSED BEYOND MEASURE!!!!"

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  10. We see so many men who struggle with depression and their wives have no idea! Thank you so much for this powerful post and encouragement!! Stopping over from Intentionally Yours, looking forward to reading more.

    Sherry
    www.intentionallyyours.org

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    1. Thank you so much for stopping by Sherry. I really enjoyed reading your blog this morning!

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  11. Thank you for sharing this information. I didn't realize the numbers were so high. I imagine that we could be struggling with depression and not even know. So glad you linked up with HWC.

    Christy Joy
    #happywivesclub

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    1. My husband definitely has mental issues. HeS controlling always negative always complaing. I hate coming hom e from work. He makes me think im crazy. Delora can you help me any advice

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